Pushing Past the Fear

I want to write about this a bit today, for a few reasons.  I crawled out of 4 days of a nasty head cold and avoiding the internet, and already in my catching up a bunch of great blog posts are related to this in one way or another.  Also, today is a day the fear is small, so it’s a good day to talk about how to keep it from winning.  Apologies in advance for being too rambly or confusing, we’ll just blame the cold medicine if I am!

I was thrilled to see some comments coming in from a guest post I wrote on a site that’s not live yet – it’s in beta testing until Sunday – and that’s what has me excited.  And already I see comments that sound like they could be me, in the past or even now – saying “Oh I wish I could do that! But I could never because……”  Whether our dream adventure is something they truly want or just briefly fantasize about (hey I’ve done that a lot with adventures that are not meant to be mine! It’s fun to pretend!), I hear the fear.  It’s my fear too.

Changing our dream to a goal last year did not get rid of that fear.  It probably added to it.  For every ounce of excitement, sometimes there’s a pound of fearful voices in my head.  How will we afford this?  How will the cats adapt?  How will WE adapt?  How will I ever downsize enough to do this?  What about when we break down? What about health insurance? The questions are endless.  Sometimes they are loud enough to paralyze me, to convince me that this won’t happen.

But you know what?  We aren’t doing anything new.  New to us, sure, but it’s been done before and people survived to talk about it!

The last time I remember this kind of fear was before my first trip to Burning Man.

I heard about it and thought, “That’s amazing! I would LOVE to do that, but I NEVER could camp in the desert!!!” The next year, the same person who brought it my attention the year before posted again that tickets were on sale.  She offered that anyone on our online forum could stay at her house in Reno, and get a ride out to the event.  I bought a ticket, saying to myself that I could resell it up until I bought the plane ticket.

The fears continued.  I was about to go to a stranger’s house, and then go camping with her.  Knowing the kind of questions my mother would ask and worry about, I did my best to research.  I talked with a friend from the forum that I knew in person, who had met my future host in person.  She does exist, she doesn’t appear to be an axe murderer, enough people know her and I that I felt a little better.  I read the survival guide cover to cover.  I asked her a million questions. I flew into Reno, and we immediately bonded and started a wonderful friendship (which, by the way, culminated in her officiating our wedding last fall!)

That fear aside, the moment that scared me the most was when we first glimpsed Black Rock City through the dust.  I was going to be here for a week, there was no escape if it got too dusty or hot or weird.  It was also the most exciting moment.

Not only did I survive, I went back again and again.  And I realized that no matter how loud the fears in my head were, there was a voice saying “Yes. Yes, it’s risky and dangerous, but you must do this!”  I am so glad I listened to that voice.  I did it when I said I’d never be able to spin fire, and went on to learn despite that fear.

So here I am again.  Listening to the voices of fear.  But now I know how to deal with them!

1) Research.

We fear the unknown most of all.  Reading up on it won’t spoil all the surprises, but it will give you an arsenal of knowledge of what can go wrong, how to try to avoid it, and how to fix it when it does.  Listen to those who have done it  before, and read a lot of first time accounts!

Recommended Reading: Specific for RV full-timing, I can’t recommend this enough – the Technomad’s “Answers to the Common Excuses to Not Travel Full-Time” is available for pay-what-you-will.  Their years of experience answers the biggest questions you’ll have, and we are taking much of their advice to heart!

2) Be responsible.

For me, this is also the “How are you going to convince your mother that you won’t die” approach.  I love my mom, and love her asking all these questions because even though it’s not fun to think about, it helps prepare a safety net.  It’s the keeping your feet on the ground while your head is in the clouds.

Come up with plans about the major pitfalls you may hit.  They aren’t reasons NOT to do it, they are just reasons to do it with care.  We could quit our jobs tomorrow if we had an RV in our hands and just take off, but we would not be ready to face even minor problems without turning tail and heading home being homeless.  We have so many uncertainties, especially without a mobile business going yet, that an escape plan and enough money to relocate on a moment’s notice is crucial for us.

There will be dangers, but they probably won’t be much worse than the ones you face today.  Even the most dangerous hobbies, like fire spinning, can be approached with common sense and reduce your risks of being hurt.  But there is absolutely no promise that following the “safe” path will keep you safe – so you may as well be doing what you love, not what you hate!

Being Practical Isn’t All That Great – one of my nomadic mentors, The Organic Sister, tells it straight about why practical or playing it safe won’t always get you what you want.

3) Be INSPIRED!

Get inspired by others success stories!  If you’ve read too much about the worst going wrong, stop, and read about things going right.  Have faith that as long as you have half a brain, some AAA coverage, a little savings, and a good support network of family and friends – everything will work out, even if it’s not as you expected. Maybe some of those successes came easily to others, but I’m sure the majority faced the same fears you are – and overcame them.

“I’m not here to chase my dreams, I’m here to live them.” A great post on Roots of She to get you out of dream mode and into goal mode!

The Flip Side of Unconventional – It may take more work, but it’s worth it for a life worth living.

Chris Guillebeau has a treasure trove of blog posts, e-books, and courses to inspire a life of non-conformity – I first read his “A Brief Guide to World Domination” (free) and most recently his book “The Art of Non-Conformity”

For a great kick in the pants, ride the wild donkey with Leonie!

4) Find community.

No matter how outrageous and crazy you think your idea is, you probably aren’t alone.  Once you start looking, you may be astonished at how large the community already is – we are surprised to find out just how many others have done or are planning the same thing as us!  When being the risk-taker or dream chaser among the naysayers is wearing you out, find like-minded people to rejuvenate you and help you along your journey.

For RVers, there are some links to communities in the right sidebar.  If your passion is something else, google the hell out of every term you can think of and you’ll be sure to find your people!

Fear is healthy, in small doses, but don’t let it get the best of you.  When you feel the urge to keep going despite that fear, when it’s something that you are passionate about pursuing, don’t let anything stop you!